I'm putting this out here. Need to get it off my chest.
This has been an incredible year for me - particularly in terms of personal growth. While my body has been shrinking and reducing and getting stronger all at the same time, it is the internal changes that have taken me by surprise. The mind growth. The attitude changes.
Sometimes I have to check myself and realise that I am no longer the 'larger lady'. The fat chick. The jolly 'big personality'. Don't get me wrong - I am still me. I am still that jolly happy personality. I just no longer have the obese facade that goes with it. And I rarely have the 'happy face' on. Those that have been there will know what I am talking about. The 'on face'. The one we show the world. We think we are happy and jolly. But the hurt has always been there in the eyes.
Most of my pics now show joy from my eyes.
Well today's certainly wouldn't. I am cross. I am angry.
I don't want these feelings, and I used to just eat them away. No longer am I that person though - I am FEELING these emotions instead of eating them. But also wanting to get rid of them. My inner 'adult', the one I have been all my adult life, the one that ate my feelings instead of feeling them - wants me to go back to that. So I don't have to feel this way. I don't like it. Instead of eating them though, I am going to go for a run, and then maybe hit some shit. Because I can. Because it is more productive and hopefully will burn these feelings away.
Well I have heard some whisperings over the past few months, and mostly I have been ignoring and shoving them aside. But today... well I just couldn't. They have bubbled to the surface and I am ANGRY.
I shouldn't be.
I can't control what other people think, feel or say.
But I am anyway.
I have heard - that people are saying I can't possibly have lost the weight I have this year by doing something as simple as eating clean and healthy, and moving more. I have had surgery. I have done shakes (or juices, or whatever the latest fucking fad is).
The truth is - I HAVEN'T HAD SURGERY.
I HAVEN'T DONE ANY FADS.
I am moving more - lots and lots more.
I am fueling my body with beautiful healthy, fresh, clean food.
I AM HEALTHY.
I AM STRONG.
And all you nay-sayers and gossips - CAN JUST SUCK IT