This has been an incredible year for me - particularly in terms of personal growth. While my body has been shrinking and reducing and getting stronger all at the same time, it is the internal changes that have taken me by surprise. The mind growth. The attitude changes.
Sometimes I have to check myself and realise that I am no longer the 'larger lady'. The fat chick. The jolly 'big personality'. Don't get me wrong - I am still me. I am still that jolly happy personality. I just no longer have the obese facade that goes with it. And I rarely have the 'happy face' on. Those that have been there will know what I am talking about. The 'on face'. The one we show the world. We think we are happy and jolly. But the hurt has always been there in the eyes.
Most of my pics now show joy from my eyes.
Well today's certainly wouldn't. I am cross. I am angry.
I don't want these feelings, and I used to just eat them away. No longer am I that person though - I am FEELING these emotions instead of eating them. But also wanting to get rid of them. My inner 'adult', the one I have been all my adult life, the one that ate my feelings instead of feeling them - wants me to go back to that. So I don't have to feel this way. I don't like it. Instead of eating them though, I am going to go for a run, and then maybe hit some shit. Because I can. Because it is more productive and hopefully will burn these feelings away.
Why though?
Well I have heard some whisperings over the past few months, and mostly I have been ignoring and shoving them aside. But today... well I just couldn't. They have bubbled to the surface and I am ANGRY.
I shouldn't be.
I can't control what other people think, feel or say.
But I am anyway.
I have heard - that people are saying I can't possibly have lost the weight I have this year by doing something as simple as eating clean and healthy, and moving more. I have had surgery. I have done shakes (or juices, or whatever the latest fucking fad is).
The truth is - I HAVEN'T HAD SURGERY.
I HAVEN'T DONE ANY FADS.
I am moving more - lots and lots more.
I am fueling my body with beautiful healthy, fresh, clean food.
I AM HEALTHY.
I AM STRONG.
And all you nay-sayers and gossips - CAN JUST SUCK IT
Here here Trace, good on you for getting this out there and off your chest. I too have heard those kind of whispers about my transformation into a healthy active and happy person this year. My internal response is that the people who really matter know the truth and that's enough. Yesterday a close friend said to me " You're not you any more!" we'll no I'm not and isn't that fabulous?
ReplyDeleteIndeed it is fabulous Barb - we are whole new people, and that's OK. In fact, it is sensational. And I don't normally care about this crap, but yeah, today I just snapped. And am feeling it :)
DeleteI hear ya lady. Now that I am starting to show some significant loss in terms of my body size and my clothes, I am starting to get some neutral comments. I am waiting for the negative ones to start.
ReplyDeleteSam, hopefully the negative comments won't happen. And I have to admit, the positive comments and encouragement and brand NEW friendships I have had happen this year far far outweigh the neutral and negative. Just remember that sweetie x
DeleteLove you Maz. And yes, I love your ballsy attitude, and am taking something from YOU here. We just simply ROCK xxx
ReplyDeleteTracey, the nay sayers can go suck it! YOU are the reason I joined, YOU are the one I most admire, YOU are the one I think of when I feel like giving up, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Alisa - you have no idea how much it means to me to hear this. Especially from someone I admire so much. Trust me, I feel like giving up a lot too - but the next day is a new day and a new start. Everytime. It's amazing isn't it
DeleteOh Tracey - so well said - I know exactly where you are coming from as you know!
ReplyDeleteGood on you for getting it of your chest - and here's to sticking it up those doubters and wowsers!
XXX Mish
Thanks heaps Mishy - yeah, sadly it seems to be just in some people to only want to cut down, rather than be happy. Oh well, their problem really x
Deleteyep Tracey you are enough - just as you are.... you are totally awesome and your friends know you and this truth. No matter what we are there for you - I am blown away by your transformation - I knew you before, during and now - and you know what - you are beautiful..... always were and always will be - the difference is that you are now healthy and feeling great - and that is awesome.... Love you heaps gorgeous lady - and I am so pleased to be your friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Carol - you are truly an incredible soul and I feel very privileged to call you friend x
DeleteTracey, you ARE strong. You ARE worthy.
ReplyDeleteAnd, my friend, you are beautiful.
Aww shucks Tamara - you are going to make me cry again. Thank you so much for your beautiful words xxx
DeleteWOW those people have no idea how hard you have worked, how dedicated your are or how hurtful they are. It seems that you are hearing those green eyed monsters and although it doesnt help when they say "you have changed" what they really mean is "you have stopped living your life their way"
ReplyDeleteChin up lovely you know the truth and you have inspired many to follow your lead.
Thanks Jassand, and what you say about that is so true. Sadly, along this journey I have lost 'friends' - but maybe that isn't so sad when they really only wanted to know me when I fit into 'their mould' of what I should be. Not my own
DeleteGO YOU! You are awesome, Tracey. You are Enough...XXmaz
ReplyDeleteThanks heaps Maz x
DeleteWow Tracey I read this and don't really know what to say. Of course I can't relate as I've never been 'a jolly fat person', I've always been an average, average person but now I'm a fit, strong person and nothing anyone says would cause me the pain I hear in your words. They can all get fucked. Don't let them into your mind. You know how you did it and that's all that matters. People only say cruel things to bring other's down because they themselves are so low. Rise above my friend... it's great up here!! :-)
ReplyDeleteWOW! Thank you so much. And you are so right - it IS great up here :)
DeleteTracey you are amazing, you along with many people I know including myself have achieved similar results. With many other thousands of people doing this amazing program, so those people who doubt and question you can truly suck it! You know the truth and those who love and support you know the truth and the rest can go jump! You are a true champion and deserve all the health and happiness you now have xx
ReplyDeleteAs I wrote on Facebook Tracey I have been through this with you and have only one of the diseases you have and just am longing that the rest of my family would believe that we could all be like you clean on the inside as well on the outside. You have posted through the times when you wanted to give up and wanted to be picked up in the car and just were aching and couldnt move anymore but then the inner strength that you have came through and you made it. I am so proud of you and ashamed of myself that my doctor has given me tablets to make the weight drop off me. Not like you I just have given up. You are an absolute inspiration.
ReplyDeleteAnyone who snipes about your transformation is probably just jealous. Some people just don't want to see others succeed. I think you've got guts putting it out there. And I really admire all you have achieved- in both mind and body. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteWhat you have done over the past year Tracey is to be admired you have worked hard and have the body to prove it! You dont get the muscles and strength from fads you might loose the weight but you wont gain over all fitness. You only get that by doing what you have done putting in the hard yards!Its hard to "feel" the feelings but dont let the haters win feel the feelings and let them go.
ReplyDeleteHere Here Tracey...bugger 'em, jealously rears it's ugly head yet again. You will push through this and become a stronger more beautiful person for it...Let them wallow in the doubt and self loathing they so relish! phew...glad I got that off my chest. As you know I'm doing the rounds with my own naysayers! {{{hugs}}} to you xx
ReplyDelete