Embracing imperfection

Feeling good. Feeling great actually.

My life is travelling along well. No, it isn't perfect - not a lot in the world is.

I am still struggling with some head/thinking issues, plus a few too many 'sometimes' foods are sneaking in daily - but overall, life is grand.

Not perfect.

This is something that has taken me a long time to learn, and I am still learning it - not everything you do has to be perfect. You don't have to have the perfect house. The perfect workout. The perfect menu plan/nutrition. The perfect life.

It doesn't exist.

So much of my procrastination has stemmed from this concept. Come on - you know how it works. The overthinking.

The "paralysis by analysis"
It's my biggest downfall, and something I still struggle with every day.
Instead of just getting on with it, you over think until the job/task never gets done.

Well now I am embracing my imperfection. Learning to let go of the perfectionist, and seriously JFDI. Just getting on with it. Doing what I can, and feeling satisfaction in that.

And just loving the balance that comes with this. I am getting some cleaning done. Some workouts. Some art/craft (me time). Feeding the body mostly well - 95% of the time i would say (thanks must go to my wonderful husband for this one mostly - he is just brilliant, and has really embraced this year of change and lifestyle enhancements).

For possibly the first time in my adult life - I can honestly say,

I AM CONTENT.

And it feels so peaceful.

Fighter

" 'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter "

Do you have a song that really gets you pumped? Makes you want to fist pump the air and keep on pushing through? That makes you want to jump for joy, and keep on moving? That brings out your inner mongrel?

I do - and for me it is this one - "Fighter" by Christina Aguelira

If I'm out running and this comes on, I pump my legs and arms faster, jump into the air, and sing out loud. Really LOUD. It fills my body with adrenalin and my heart with joy. It makes me want to scream to the world "I am ME - watch out, here I come!" 

I know it's an 'angry' song, but it is about moving on and owning it.  I just love it. 

It is EMPOWERING. 

It is BOLD.

And when I'm singing it out loud (with my earphones in, so I can't actually hear me - sorry people!) I always change this line: "Made me learn a little bit faster" to "Make me run a little bit faster"... Corny I know, but it works for me!

So if you see me out running, or doing a workout, and I am fistpumping the air and singing out loud - sing it with me, I am singing it with joy and passion, not anger.

THANKS FOR MAKING ME A FIGHTER

So what's your song that 'speaks' to you at the moment?

Being happy

Last week was an interesting week. Filled with rumours, anger, sadness, concern, support and acceptance. I have now moved past the anger - thank goodness. I have discovered how much support out there in cyber-space, and real life, that I really do have. I have learned that I don't need to keep toxic people in my life, regardless of how long I have known them or our previous relationship history. Some of this will still be difficult to implement - but I am now committed to doing this.

Really, really committed.

I don't need, or invite, negativity into my life. I am stronger than that. I don't need that. My family doesn't need that.

And I have learned to feel sorrow for those toxic negative people. They will never know the true meaning of life and happiness. They will never realise how small and wasted their lives are. They will never feel pure joy and friendship. Oh well.

And I have moved on.

From now on, I will surround myself with positive people. People who believe in themselves. People who make me smile purely because they are awesome. People who love me for who I am, and who I have become (not for who I was, or their perception of who I am). People who accept and embrace change.

People who make me happy, just by being here.

I have discovered that I really am strong. Much stronger than I used to be. Not just physically, but mentally too. 2012 has really changed me - for the better. I appreciate so much more what I have. I have the most amazing family. I have an incredible husband, who has supported me, and carried me, more than once over the years. It's time for me to give back to him, and them. To be the best for them. I have friends who make me laugh so hard I pee myself a little - that's a good thing people :)

 

But more than anything - I have ME.

Doing what is best for me and my life

"People know your name, not your story. They’ve heard what you’ve done, but not what you’ve been through. So take their opinions of you with a grain of salt. In the end, it’s not what others think, it’s what you think about yourself that counts. Sometimes you have to do exactly what’s best for you and your life, not what’s best for everyone else."

Truer words I haven't seen lately

Very very applicable to me right now

I will be sharing much more of my story with you, I think I need to. Not for you. For me. So I can get it out there. 

Remove some of the hurt. 

Disclose some of the back story. 

Work through some of the shit.

I need to think about myself with respect and integrity. With honour. With a sense of amazement at the damn fine woman that I am. Because I am a damn fine woman - and pretty darn incredible too :)

Watch this space...

 

I am hitting back

I'm putting this out here. Need to get it off my chest.

This has been an incredible year for me - particularly in terms of personal growth. While my body has been shrinking and reducing and getting stronger all at the same time, it is the internal changes that have taken me by surprise. The mind growth. The attitude changes.

Sometimes I have to check myself and realise that I am no longer the 'larger lady'. The fat chick. The jolly 'big personality'. Don't get me wrong - I am still me. I am still that jolly happy personality. I just no longer have the obese facade that goes with it. And I rarely have the 'happy face' on. Those that have been there will know what I am talking about. The 'on face'. The one we show the world. We think we are happy and jolly. But the hurt has always been there in the eyes.
Most of my pics now show joy from my eyes.

Well today's certainly wouldn't. I am cross. I am angry.
I don't want these feelings, and I used to just eat them away. No longer am I that person though - I am FEELING these emotions instead of eating them. But also wanting to get rid of them. My inner 'adult', the one I have been all my adult life, the one that ate my feelings instead of feeling them - wants me to go back to that. So I don't have to feel this way. I don't like it. Instead of eating them though, I am going to go for a run, and then maybe hit some shit. Because I can. Because it is more productive and hopefully will burn these feelings away.

Why though?

Well I have heard some whisperings over the past few months, and mostly I have been ignoring and shoving them aside. But today... well I just couldn't. They have bubbled to the surface and I am ANGRY.

I shouldn't be.

I can't control what other people think, feel or say.
But I am anyway.

I have heard - that people are saying I can't possibly have lost the weight I have this year by doing something as simple as eating clean and healthy, and moving more. I have had surgery. I have done shakes (or juices, or whatever the latest fucking fad is).

The truth is - I HAVEN'T HAD SURGERY.

I HAVEN'T DONE ANY FADS.

I am moving more - lots and lots more.
I am fueling my body with beautiful healthy, fresh, clean food.

I AM HEALTHY.

I AM STRONG.

And all you nay-sayers and gossips - CAN JUST SUCK IT