I feel better

I have lost over 41kg this year, and am now close to goal weight (thank you 12wbt, Michelle Bridges, my family and my 12WBT family, plus consistency and commitment)

Something that people say to me a LOT is "... you must feel so much better".

Now I know this is an off-the-cuff kind of comment, meant to be polite and nothing more, but it is something I have struggled with. Because, you know, I never really felt that 'bad'. And maybe I should have? At 117kg (I am 171cm tall) maybe I was meant to feel awful? But I didn't.

Sure there were things in life that were 'harder' to do. Such as climb stairs. Run. Bend over to cut and paint my toenails. But I never really thought of myself as feeling 'bad'.

It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this. For the most part, when people have said this, I have just smiled and said 'yes'... it seemed like the appropriate response. But I would walk away thinking "was I meant to feel bad? and why didn't I feel rotten? what is wrong with me?" It wasn't them, or the question, it was me. And where my head was at. And how we do need time for this to all play catch up - the body works faster than the mind at some things - and the psychology of weight loss, and getting healthier, is one of those things it seems.

After a lot of reflection - and worry, and consternation - I have come to the realisation, that in the grand scheme of life - you know what? I really DO feel better. I didn't feel bad in the first place, however, pretty much everything physical in everyday living is easier now than it used to be. I don't think twice about running up stairs (in fact, I now regularly incorporate stair runs into my weekly training - now THAT is insane!). I love to run (even if I do run like a 'spaz' - lots of improvement to be made on my technique LOL). I can even paint my toenails if the inclination so hits me - not that it does very often, I'm not a 'girly-girl'.

And my mental health seems to be in a much better place too :) Of course, it's still not perfect - and that's OK too. It is part of who I am - and I am pretty amazing!

So yes, thank you very much, I DO feel better :)